In their new book Dealing with People You Can't Stand, Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner identify the 13 most frustrating archetypes and how to work with them. "You can be one of the people who brings out the best in people at their worst," says Dr. Kirschner.
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Tanks
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How they act: They are pushy and controlling, and may be loud and forceful or quietly intense. One thing's for sure: If you're in their path, they'll remove you as an obstacle.
How to deal: Because they are focused on getting things done and moving quickly, you need to cut to the chase and get to the point, so they don't think you're wasting time.
Snipers
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How they act: They are covert and manipulative and will exploit your weaknesses behind your back or by insulting you in front of a group.
How to deal: Call them on it. When they are confronted and forced to explain themselves, they often can't. You may need to do it multiple times in order to get them to stop.
Know-It-Alls
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How they act: These are smart people with a lot of knowledge--and they know it. They'll talk your ear off but never listen, quickly dismissing your ideas.
How to deal: Get their doubts out of the way immediately. Start by saying, "I realize we don't have the budget, but..." Then show them respect and flatter them by asking questions: "What would you do in this situation? How could we make it work?"
Think-They-Know-It-Alls
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How they act: These people don't know much but want you to think they do. They talk a lot, exaggerate and brag to get attention.
How to deal: Give them a little attention and then expose the holes in their argument. Say, "I'm glad you brought that up," and then ask specific questions that reveal they don't know what they're talking about.
Grenades
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How they act: These are the screamers and stompers. They become explosively angry or throw emotional temper tantrums.
How to deal: Give them time to cool down. Follow-up later and respond to their feelings, address the problem and offer appreciation for them and their work.
Yes People
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How they act: Eager to please, they agree to everything but rarely follow through, leaving a trail of unfinished work and broken promises.
How to deal: Knowing that they want approval, make conversations feel safe enough for them to be honest. Also help ensure a commitment by getting them to write it down, setting a clear deadline and pointing out the negative consequences of breaking the commitment.
Maybe People
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How they act: Indecisive, they continue putting off crucial decisions until it's too late.
How to deal: Patiently walk through all the options and positives and negatives of each choice. When they lean towards a decision reassure them it's a good one.
No People
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How they act: They only see the negative, shoot down ideas and say no to everything. They are discouraging downers.
How to deal: When these people begin to frustrate you, agree with them. Be even more negative than them, and they'll be forced to see the positives in order to remain contrary.
Show-Nothing People
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How they act: You have no idea where you stand with them. Inexpressive, they offer no verbal or visual feedback.
How to deal: Use humor to encourage expression and ask open-ended questions that force them to elaborate rather than give a simple "yes" or "no."
Whiners
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How they act: They are victims of a world that's out to get them. They wallow rather than act.
How to deal: Whiners exaggerate and generalize, thinking everything is wrong and nothing can be done. If you keep asking them for specifics, eventually you'll tease out the details and can help them solve the real problem.
Judges
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How they act: These are the critical perfectionists who are impossible to please. They set unattainable standards and then judge others for not meeting them.
How to deal: Get them to see how they sound by reflecting their own comments back to them. He says, "Her office is a mess; she should be embarrassed." You ask: "Are you calling her lazy and a slob?"
Meddlers
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How they act: These are the ones who think they know what's best for you. They ask personal questions, offer unsolicited advice and want to manage your life.
How to deal: Divert the topic either through questions ("Why is that you're asking?") or changing the subject.
Martyrs
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How they act: They are needy and approval-seeking. Martyrs offer help even when you don't want it and then expect something in return.
How to deal: Just say "no," nicely but definitely.