Losing your virginity can be a very big deal. I remember the occasion very well, and I’m sure you will too… for many decades to come. Everyone’s experience is going to be different, but here’s some honest advice, from an old gal who has been there and done that.
Don’t feel like you have to
Don’t give in to peer pressure, or pressure from your boyfriend. Lose your virginity when you feel you’re ready. Honestly, especially for a girl, there is no shame in being a virgin.
Yes it will hurt
Only in the rare instance where your hymen is already broken from activities like horse riding or extreme gymnastics (???!!!), your hymen will probably be in tact and having sex will tear it. Expect blood, (a fair amount, like when you cut your finger… but not a crime scene) so a towel on the bedsheet and some wet wipes would be handy. The pain is bearable. He should work his way in slowly and patiently, after lots of foreplay. Having additional lubrication (not saliva) will help.
Don’t expect the earth to move
Yes, it will be a memorable experience, good or bad. But don’t place such high expectations on your first time. You may have seen how magical and sensual it was in a movie (like in 50 Shades of Grey when Anastasia lost her virginity a handsome hot hunky billionaire), but the reality often pales in comparison. Go in with realistic expectations of awkwardness, some pain, uncertainty and also perhaps the feeling of - “What? That was it?”
It gets better
The first time is likely your worst time, it gets much much better with time. As you get used to your partner, and he gets used to you, you also learn more about your body and how it reacts, as well as learn how to give and receive pleasure. Pretty soon, that lacklustre first time will be a thing of the past.
If you are unsure, ask
Don’t feel like you have to act like you know exactly what you’re doing. Nothing embarrassing about being a virgin, if you are unsure about what to do, just ask. It’s better than pretending to be experienced and making a fool of yourself. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner if he’s doing something you like or don’t like either.
Use a condom
Don’t buy in to the myths that it doesn’t feel good with a condom, that if he looks healthy it means he has no STDs or that you cannot get pregnant when having sex the first time. If you’re not married and not planning on starting a family, start using condoms!
It’s perfectly normal to be nervous about having sex for the first time, but if you’re with the right person, and you’re ready for it, you will find this learning experience a good one.