Sometimes, newlyweds want to wait a year or two before they start a family. Then there are also phases when a couple don’t agree on whether they are ready for a baby and it’s a source of contention. Often times a couple has only just begun to try to conceive and they start getting bombarded with expectant questions. The worst case of all, a couple may already be trying desperately to get pregnant for a long time, and don’t need to be reminded of it. Whatever the reason, it’s personal and not for people to poke their nose into or make assumptions!
If you are married and do not have any children, be prepared for the gossip, the questions and the judging looks this Chinese New Year when you mingle with relatives and friends. Oh I especially hated the looks of pity people gave me back then, even when my husband and I didn’t want a family yet and were actively preventing conception!
I’ve been down that road and I feel you. So here’s how to deal with the question- Why no babies yet???
For Those Who Assume
“You know, my colleague just had IVF, and is now expecting twins! I can get the contact of her doctor for you...”
Your response: (Genuine tone) “Nah, it’s ok, I’m not going to pay a fertility specialist to tell me that the reason I’m not pregnant is because we are still on the pill / use condoms!” (Then give laugh like they’re so stupid for making that assumption)
For Those Who Are Nosey
“You’re how old already?? What are you waiting for?”
Your response: “I’m waiting for financial security and my own home. I’m not one of those careless people who can’t afford a child but stupidly has one and then gives them a shit life.”
For Those With Unwanted Advice
“You better hurry up and give your husband a child before he finds some other woman who will."
Your response: (Resist the urge to drop-kick them in the face) "Hmm... I let my husband shoot his load in me for several months now, what should I do to speed this process up?” (Then look them straight in the eyes, expecting an answer)
For Those Who Gloat
“Girl, you got married the same year as my daughter. Now she has 2 kids already, how come you still got nothing???”
Your response: (Give a concerned look with a furrowed brow) “Auntie, I have to admit, when my husband and I look at your daughter’s life now, and how much weight she has gained since having kids…. it makes us both so fearful!!! I better don’t look already hor… wait I’ll never want kids.” (Add an exaggerated shudder)
For Those Who Are Judgemental
“Now that I have children, my life has true meaning!"
Your response: (Look genuinely confused) “Huh? So before you had kids, your life had no meaning? I’m sad to hear that.” (Put one hand on your chest and give her a look of pity)
So this Chinese New Year, don’t dread being asked this question. Just answer them and put them in their place!