As someone who has been turned down for sex before, I have to say, it stings! And after a few rejections, you just get to a point where you just rather not ask for it anymore. This brings on feelings of inadequacy, and resentment which could easily destroy a relationship. You see, most couples do not share the same sex drive. That’s perfectly normal! But the manner in which you turn your partner down will impact your relationship.
Even with everything going on well with you on a good day, there are going to be instances when he will really want to have it with you and you are not in the mood to give in no matter what he does to you. Although this might not be a common problem for you, here are some ways to turn him down without hurting his feelings and you having a feeling of guilt in the process.
1. If you have an emotional reason why you are turning him down, let him know and try to work out a solution to the problem with him; that will make him have a better understanding of you and he may also sympathize with whatever problem you may have about your emotional health.
2. If he comes on to you and starts making the moves on you and you do are not in the mood, do not push his hand away, shudder or shout at him when he strokes your body. What he’s doing is not a bad thing, so do not punish him for it! That will make him feel like he is pestering you. Instead, quietly take his hand off and hold it close to your chest, explain that you’re tired, and go in for a cuddle instead. Don’t physically distance yourself just because you’re not in the mood.
3. If there is a physical reason or long term problem why you do not want to have sex with him, open up to him with the truth. Avoiding this discussion can only cause more problems in the future because the problem will obviously not correct itself if you do nothing about it.
4. You can tell him that you are really stressed out due to work activity and that you will soon feel better. Make him a promise that as soon as you get in the mood of having sex you will let him know. This will take some pressure off him, and later when you go to him to tell him that you are feeling horny, he will know that you did not deliberately put him off.
5. Do not, as a way of escape, rely on the old trick of "I have a headache". Once or twice, this may work but except you are having a long-term migraine, he will begin to believe that you feel an allergy towards him whenever you think of having sex with him and this is certainly not a good thing. Rather, tell him that you would really love to have sex with him if he would allow you sleep for a few hours.
So if you’re in a situation where you find your sex drive significantly lower than your partner’s, don’t get mad at him for it. Light him down lightly, and try to find a compromise which suits the both of you.