It is the start of the mother’s day weekend, where we celebrate and honour women who had dedicated their lives to their children. But for some women, mother’s day is nothing but the most painful and dreadful day of their lives due to infertility and loss. The retailers and media do not make things any easier to bear with their perpetual reminders of this occasion.
Infertility is like a disease but just because it is not something life threatening, people tend to brush it off. Those unaffected do not know the physical, mental and emotional torture, which these women suffering from infertility have to undergo. Lack of empathy is probably one of the reasons why many choose to keep their pain private. Being unable to conceive is not something you can just openly announce to friends and family, and expect them to understand your struggle. Especially in our Asian culture, infertility is still seen as a taboo topic. Couples who are unable to reproduce may be looked down upon due to social stigmatization. And yet, fertility treatments are expensive and can be an emotional roller coaster ride for the couple involved.
The next time you are tempted to ask a couple when are they going to have a baby, hold your tongue. It might seem like an innocent question but you have no idea how much effort it would take a woman who is suffering from infertility to fake a smile and lie through their teeth. Unless it is a really close friend, you do not know her story, she could have just ended a failed IVF cycle or nursing the wounds of a miscarriage from a pregnancy which she never had the chance to announce. So the last thing, which she needs to hear, is someone asking if they would be planning for a baby.
Chrissy Teigen, model and wife of musician John Legend had spoken up publicly about their battle with infertility previously. And she had some words of wisdom to share. "Anytime somebody asks me if I’m going to have kids, I’m like, ‘one day, you’re going to ask that to the wrong girl who’s really struggling, and it’s going to be really hurtful to them'," Teigan said. "And I hate that. So, I hate it. Stop asking me."
A lady once shared how painful it was to hear her friends lamenting about trying for six months to nine months before they had managed to conceive when she had been trying for years to no avail. So let us be more sensitive and tactful in our choice of words, especially on social media.
This mother’s day, let us not forget and honor the mothers who are suffering from infertility and bereavement. Some may keep their struggle to themselves but if you are one of the trusted few whom your friend has decided to share their battle with infertility with, then offer your support. You do not know how much it means to them.