I like to think of myself as someone who would give something interesting a try at least once. When it comes to adventures in the bedroom, sometimes, I discover a gem, but very often, novelty sex acts which look like a whole lot fun in porn are shit in real life.
Here are 5 of them:
69
69 is my favourite number, I love the symmetry of it. It’s in my email, my phone number, my passwords… everywhere! But one place I dread it is in the bedroom. Once upon a time, this old school sex move was thought to be kinky and sexy. Now, all it is to me, at best, is some kind of time saver.
When I receive oral pleasure, I like to kick back and really enjoy it. How can you enjoy yourself completely when you have to focus on giving a blowjob at the same time? It’s either one or the other. I rather take turns to give and receive the best pleasure possible.
Beach Sex
Yeah, in a porno, or even in your head, the whole set up is romantic. You have 2 naked bodies pressed up against each other with the sun setting in the background, the silhouette of coconut trees, and the gentle lapping waves.
The reality is. Sand. Everywhere.
Even if you’re doing it on a towel, it gets twisted and sandy when you move around on it. And if you have no towel, say hello to a million tiny mirco cuts and friction burns on your elbows, your knees, your back… And your partner will always remember the horror of using a condom that has gotten a few specks of sand in it.
Standing Up
Yes, the idea of having your legs wrapped around his torso as he lifts and thrusts his manhood in you is extremely titillating. I won’t deny that.
But have you actually tried it in real life? First you need to have a man who can not only lift you, but also hold and move you up and down for an extended period of time. Then you have to make do with having less than optimal penetration. And the joys of having his penis slip out ever so often if he lifts you too high.
Pile Driver
This sex act, at best, is just a testament of how flexible his penis is. That’s it. It’s a challenging sex position, that could lead to injuries. And I don’t see where my pleasure comes in play. Makes it feel like my partner is trying to wrestle me, not make love to me.
Is it just me? Or is the thought of having to use your head rammed into the mattress to support your whole body rather unappealing?
Hot Oil Sex
An ex boyfriend and I once chanced upon a porno on the internet. In it, a couple was having hot oil sex. On the bed, then on the floor. Their bodies glistening, sliding effortlessly against each other.
I then turned to him, and said that I could never enjoy hot oil sex because I’d be thinking of the mess I’d have to clean up after! And he burst out laughing and said that that exact thought crossed his mind while watching this porno. Imagine oil on your bed sheets, and floor, everywhere you touch.. oily!