In 21st century Singapore, no one bats an eye when they see interracial couples on the streets. It has become really common over the past 30 years and we all believe that love is more than skin deep. But are there cultural differences that couples have to deal with while they are dating, or after marriage? We interviewed an interracial couple, Keshavan and Lynette, to find out more.
Happily married. Keshavan Nair, 30, of mix Indian and Chinese parentage, with Lynette Thng, Chinese, 24.
1) Tell us your love story.
Well, we first met each other about 5.5 years ago on my first day on the job in my first ever full time job at this restaurant called Barossa in Esplanade. Lynette was also starting her first day of work there as a part time waitress. She was still studying her diploma back then and was only working during the school holidays. After meeting her, we just clicked and realized that we could share anything and everything together. Things just grew from there and before we knew it, we were dating, and eventually married. We had our ups and downs but I must say that throughout this relationship, there were more ups then downs. In fact I think the "down" moments were minimal. We were really happy together and we really love each other.
Brief background, we are 6 years apart and when I first met her she was only 19 and I was 25. In fact, we started dating only after a month! Hahaha. So I have known her for 5.5 years and we have been together for 5 years 5 months. Married for 1 year 5 months.
2) What were your parents’ reactions when they knew that you were dating someone from another race?
Keshavan and Lynette with their families.
My parents never minded it! Especially since my parents also married outside their race. My dad is Indian and my mum is Chinese. Even my dad’s parents had interracial marriage, and that, I think, is the real epiphany of interracial marriages! My grandfather came from India, and my grandmother from China.
Lynette’s parents never minded that I was Indian too, they accepted me into their family with open arms and never ever made me feel like a minority. Likewise with my parents and family who accepted Lynette for who she is. I think these days, inter-racial relationships are so common. A race should never ever define who you are. You are who you are!
3) What about your friends?
Keshavan and his "brothers" on the morning of his wedding.
All of our friends also never ever cared about the racial difference. Plus I have many friends of different races as well and we all got along just fine!
4) Is there anything you have to adjust in your lives because of the cultural differences, if any?
Well, I think the biggest adjustment i really had to make was speaking more Mandarin, and learning and understanding how to address her extended family in the traditional ways. This is definitely not easy for me since I came from a more English speaking family, and she a more Chinese speaking family. That was my biggest challenge, and it still is.
5) Let’s talk about your wedding. Did you follow the Chinese or the Indian traditional customs?
Well we actually didn’t have a theme for the wedding. She wanted to wear a Sari and I wanted to wear a traditional Indian costume, so we did that for the 2nd march in. But for the rest of the day, I was mostly in my suit and she in her wedding dress. We didn’t even want to make her wear the “kwa” because we wanted to save time and focus on other things which were more important to us. It helped that both our parents didn’t force us to do typical traditional customs, and just asked us to do whatever we wanted to as long as we were happy. And I am truly grateful to them for that!
The whole day was so tiring for us because it was such a big wedding! We had a total of 550 guests and there were so many people around! We had very little no-shows, in fact, I believed that there was a 98% turnout. So yeah, we were really busy meeting and greeting everyone that we could, and spending the moment with them. I think that was more important to us.
Like any other weddings, all the funny moments occurred at the gate crash. But I must say that her sisters were very kind to us, but they made us sweat like pigs! At the dinner, I surprised my wife by singing for her on stage. In the 4 years that we had been together, I have never sung for her before and I surprised her that night for the first time. And the best part of it all? The band that was playing with me was my dad and his friends. So we had a ball of a time!
Keshavan and his father performing together on Keshavan's wedding night.
6) Any plans for kids? Indian name, Chinese name or both?
We defintely have plans to have kids! But we haven’t really thought about the names yet. It will most likely to be a mixture of both Indian and Chinese name. That will give the kids icebreakers, so that they can have conversations and get to meet people. Hahahaha!