Being a first time mum this year has been an absolute joy so far. Even though I didn’t have any confinement help… I think I coped well, it just took a bit of prior planning. I ordered tingkat confinement food for a month so I won’t have to cook and clean the kitchen. I cut down my work load by cutting out (or temporarily suspending) some of the work I do for a couple of websites. I worked extra hard before the baby came, to make sure I confirmed all the pitches and churned all my drafts out (or at least got the skeleton done) in advance for the websites I would continue writing for this year. So I don’t have to put in so many hours into work, and I still get my income. So I can just focus mostly on my baby girl, and blog about her or my life, as and when I feel like it. Perfect!
Maybe I have it better than most because the kind of work I do allows me such flexibility and autonomy. I have to say though, I still do envy full time stay at home moms who don’t have to bring in any income, just focus on themselves and the baby. But the reality for most mums in Singapore, is we don’t have the luxury of just doing one thing. With the hectic life we lead these days, most of us have to juggle family and home with work too, and it is not that easy.
However, it can be done, and there are certainly lots of women out there who have managed to strike just the right balance between work and motherhood. You can do so too, and we hope that with the following tips we will help you look out for certain pitfalls and problems which might come in your way.
Set your goals – You need to set your goals according to your values. This is the starting point to help you structure your life. Strong areas include meal preparation, housework, your kids’ education and other activities, and your work. Once you specify these various areas you can then set schedules and prioritize. This evaluation process will enable you to focus on what is really important in your life, and for your family. If some conflict with each other, you will be able to decide which is the most important and how the conflict can be solved.
Be flexible – It is crucial that you are as flexible as possible. Things will pop up unexpectedly, and there will be times when you will have to miss something. Just do not get too stressed out on such occasions, and learn to embrace change.
Rest When You Can – Avoid getting stressed out by going on and on and on. You are not a robot, you need breaks! It is important that you build breaks into your daily routine, just to sit down and relax or have a quick nap. One good piece of advice given to me was “The dishes can wait!” And indeed they can, if you lag behind on housework, let it be for now.
Quality Time with Baby – Do not focus too much on work at the expense of quality time with your baby. We all know that work is of essence as we all need money. But, even if you have a maid, nanny, or help from in-laws, spending quality time with your baby is of critical importance. Your baby needs you. A bedtime routine with your baby can be just great. You can bathe them, read to them and then put them to bed.
Quality time with your spouse – This is also critical. Try to include some time a day where you are both relaxed and willing to listen to each other. Put the smart phones and Facebook away, and really be with each other before bedtime each day.
Prioritise – Cut out time-wasting activities. Unfortunately there are various distractions nowadays, such as TV, internet, social media and web surfing. It is okay to spend some time doing these, but do not get in the habit of spending too much! You no longer have that kind of luxury to spend hours shopping online. And that’s okay.
Delegate – You don’t have to do it all. Delegation could be the best thing you could ever do. You could delegate some tasks to your spouse, or rope in friends. Hiring a babysitter or a maid for at least one day a week could be another solution.
Join a Support Group – Online. I’m part of a few mummies support groups (for Sg Babies, for breast feeding, for babywearing, etc) on Facebook. It’s a convenient way to post questions if you have any problems, and the response is always so fast and supportive. It also feels great when you can offer your own experience and advice to other mothers out there.